Work is manageable. It is the relationship with the colleagues that have caused great tension. We are a small department and work very closely with each other. Stepping on toes are frequent. Back stabbing prevalent.
I have been trying but without much success to reach out to a prebeliever colleague. At first, she seemed interested but has been non committal to this day.
She is a office politician with extensive broadcast networks. I am testimony to her fake news and gossips as they boomeranged back to me. They were so distorted that my anger burned with rage. Not once but a couple of times.
Her incompetence at work irks and irritates me. On several occasions, I discovered some discrepancies in the system and breaches of security. After much deliberation and prayer, I confided them with the HOD. She was counselled and put up a show of repentance. As the saying goes, "don't teach old dog new tricks" and "old habits die hard", she was back to her old self.
I find it hard to get along with her much less love her as Christ commanded. The tension is enormous and I am torn to a breakdown.
Gradually, it dawned on me that God loved me even though I was unlovable. I continue to do the things that I should not do and persist to omit the things that I should. When I counted the logs in her eyes, I saw more in mine.
One morning unlike every other, as I was walking the same route but with a downcast spirit and heavy heart, I did something different. I wore my earphone pieces. Soothing words from those familiar songs embraced and melted my heart and filled my soul. I could feel hot streams flowing down my cheeks.
一生最美的祝福 這一生最美的祝福 The Gift of Knowing You
奇异恩典 Amazing Grace
牵我的手 Hold My Hand
一件礼物
To listen, click on the links.
I stopped in my tracks, pulled down the cap and let the emotions run. My heart knelt and cried for forgiveness for my overwhelming sinful ways. For being unkind and impatient. For my sinful pride and self righteousness. For all the things I have done wrong. I am a great sinner.
It felt like I was in His embrace for eternity.
The spirit moved and I prayed for a triple portion of His grace to love her in particular and his people in general who are made in His image with more grace, greater compassion and patience.
Ever since the confession was laid at the foot of the cross, God has been good and working on me. The relationship has improved and I have become more conscious of my attitude, words and actions that they may glorify His name.
Faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love.
God help me.
alexjoshua
19 Dec 2019
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