THE CHAIR

It has been 2-3 years since I last heard people calling me Ah Boy.

You see I was gifted with a youthful face.

When I was 25, I looked like a 15 year old but it did not deter me from taking the bold step to enter the casino.

My friends got in without incident but I was stopped by security. Subsequent visits were met with the same treatment.

2019 saw a record high for me being the recipient of kindness from strangers on crowded buses and mrts. 

Goodbye Ah Boy. Hello Uncle.

My teeth was as strong as my age. In a 2007 mission trip to Bali, I was asked to do a demo on teeth brushing to a crowd but I declined and someone else did a better job. 

I guessed I was asked on the basis of my set of clean and healthy looking teeth. 

But 12 years on, it was unmistakable that dental issues have surfaced. The last time I sat on a dentist chair was some 27 years ago.

The pain was so unbearable that I walked in to a dental clinic to seek help. I thought I could entrust myself to this dentist, a young pretty woman to take control and relieve me of my situation. But I was wrong. Very wrong.

I think she was newbie who quickly diagnosed that I had a bad wisdom tooth and got down to extract it. But in the midst of the surgery, she confessed that it was a toughie which took longer than expected. The prolonged digging, pulling and twisting was a total nightmare. Her hands were as exhausted as my mouth.

I let out a great sigh of relief when she exited the room. But the joy was short lived. I had to return to the clinic as in her moment of delight that she was done with me, she sent me home without any medication. From that day on, I promised myself not to get on that electric chair again. Never. Ever. 

As immature as I was, I learned that some things just cannot be avoided. I was on that chair twice in 2018. But those circumstances were different. I was not in pain. Just some cleaning and scaling which were non eventful. In fact, pleasant.

And I got on with life happily until the pain returned with tremendous vengeance in Dec 2019. This time more severe than before. It caused throbbing headaches that led to sleepless nights and loss of appetite.

There were a few times in my life that I totally lost interests in all things and just wanted to lie down to ease the pain. Now I understand why the sick has no appetite and prefers to sleep it out. It felt like I was on my death bed. Morbid. 

At the peak of that fateful night, I wanted to shout out my pain...to anyone who cared to listen. Instead, I prayed that God would allow me to sleep through the night and wake up to the arrival of dawn so that I could place that call. 

The morning was wet, damp and gloomy. It did not help to lift my spirits. 
The fear. The nightmare. The electric chair. I tried to dismiss them. 

But I knew I had to face the Goliath soon.

I arrived early to settle down and calm my heart, soul and mind and prayed to God for strength to overcome the anxiety. 




YM with her gentle demeanor and soothing persuasion was my stone and sling. After some hard knocks and soft probes, she finally pronounced and uttered the sentence. It was deja vu. 

The next courses of actions were quite speedy. After a few doses of anesthesia and a bloody battle, I heard the sound of victory. Yeh! You have been dethroned. I am now free. And I have overcome. I could not believe that it was finally over.

Her surgical skills were excellent. No pain even after the anesthesia was long over. And I did not need any painkillers.

A total turnaround from the phobia of long ago. You changed my chair experience. You gave me new perspective. No words could describe my emotions. Deep down, I know my heart was leaping for joy. PTL. Thank you YM.


alexjoshua
20 Dec 2019

TENSION

2018 was a tough year at work. 

Work is manageable. It is the relationship with the colleagues that have caused great tension. We are a small department and work very closely with each other. Stepping on toes are frequent.  Back stabbing prevalent.

I have been trying but without much success to reach out to a prebeliever colleague. At first, she seemed interested but has been non committal to this day.

She is a office politician with extensive broadcast networks. I am testimony to her fake news and gossips as they boomeranged back to me. They were so distorted that my anger burned with rage. Not once but a couple of times. 

Her incompetence at work irks and irritates me. On several occasions, I discovered some discrepancies in the system and breaches of security. After much deliberation and prayer, I confided them with the HOD. She was counselled and put up a show of repentance. As the saying goes, "don't teach old dog new tricks" and "old habits die hard", she was back to her old self.

I find it hard to get along with her much less love her as Christ commanded. The tension is enormous and I am torn to a breakdown.

Gradually, it dawned on me that God loved me even though I was unlovable. I continue to do the things that I should not do and persist to omit the things that I should. When I counted the logs in her eyes, I saw more in mine. 

One morning unlike every other, as I was walking the same route but with a downcast spirit and heavy heart, I did something different. I wore my earphone pieces. Soothing words from those familiar songs embraced and melted my heart and filled my soul. I could feel hot streams flowing down my cheeks. 

一生最美的祝福 這一生最美的祝福 The Gift of Knowing You

奇异恩典 Amazing Grace

牵我的手 Hold My Hand

一件礼物 A gift for You

To listen, click on the links.

I stopped in my tracks, pulled down the cap and let the emotions run. My heart knelt and cried for forgiveness for my overwhelming sinful ways. For being unkind and impatient. For my sinful pride and self righteousness. For all the things I have done wrong. I am a great sinner.

It felt like I was in His embrace for eternity. 

The spirit moved and I prayed for a triple portion of His grace to love her in particular and his people in general who are made in His image with more grace, greater compassion and patience.

Ever since the confession was laid at the foot of the cross, God has been good and working on me. The relationship has improved and I have become more conscious of my attitude, words and actions that they may glorify His name. 

Faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love. 
God help me.


alexjoshua
19 Dec 2019